The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
