But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
