if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
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