shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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