I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Randomize
