He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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