And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
