just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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