i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
