I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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