didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
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