She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I have aggressive nipples.
Randomize
