Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
