She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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