I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Who died my cat blue again?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
