i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
