my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Randomize
