wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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