i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
