I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Randomize
