Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
