dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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