Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
