I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I wish there were birth control emojis
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
