I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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