In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
