Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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