Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
