all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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