ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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