My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
