I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
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