i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
