mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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