I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
