there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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