I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
