I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
