After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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