I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
