you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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