shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
