you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
