Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
