i think i have two assholes
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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