Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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