forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
