you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize