ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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