that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
