Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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