I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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