so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize