Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
