my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
