Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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