I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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