so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
