You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
