You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Randomize
