i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
