oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I feel great
I just peed on a car
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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