my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Randomize
