Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize