I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
