How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Randomize
