I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
