ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
