I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
