So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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