i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
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