sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
