if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
