Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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