i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Randomize
