we have officially lost it.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
