at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
