I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
