Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
My life is pants optional.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
