Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
