Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
